HENRY

Simply the meaning of 'True Friend'.

In my 22 years of living I have had a million-and-one friends, maybe a billion or maybe I'm just exaggerating. The point here is I've had enough friends to know what a good friend is and what a 'for a lack of a better word' destructive friend is.

Maybe I'm just naive but I've had almost all kinds of friends.

• Ones who just want to use you
• Ones who just want to abuse you
• Ones who just want to screw you
• Ones who just want to diss you
• Ones who just want to show how good they are at something
• Ones who are clever, intelligent and informed
• Ones who are not so clever (only gray matter between the ears)
• Ones who are two faced
• Ones who are nothing less than interesting individuals
• Slow and Boring ones
• Cheering and lively ones
• Sweet ones
• Rude and bitter ones
• Congenial ones
• Jealouse ones
• Ones who had my back
• Ones who hide so much behind a smile
• Kind ones
• Cruel ones

The list is endless, My friendships never workout. Fights, we are never on the same page, I give too much while people just take, take and take. Another endless list.

My name- Itumeleng, means Rejoice (to more than one person), not too long ago I realised through a conversation with an aquantance (Abueng) that Leina ke seromo (You are your name). I mean half the time I'm trying to make sure that those around me are rejoicing, even if it means I can not be welll. Maybe a good thing, maybe a very bad one- Who cares.

Right now I have about 4-5 people I can call friends. They are friends because they are good to me, know my family, know me well enough, I can depend on them and vice versa, We call each other, I smile everytime I think about them, I can honestly tell them the honest truth (good or bad) and know that I wont loose them, We depend on each other for emotional support and they know how to cheer me up. Keneilwe, Lavinia, Thato(Dibono), Nicci and Lungile.

I also have friends who aprreciate my sense of humour, love my company, keep in touch, tell me about their love and sex lives and would protect me without even thinking twice about it- Motshidisi, Mandisa, Thuli, Clayson, Niko, Andie (yeah, the dude who presents ONE), and Cornel. Some of them I became friends with because they were close to someone close to me.

Then I have friends who I can safely say are a "out of sight out of mind" kind of thing, the kind of friendships I have with this group of friends is contact driven, when we are on a call and e-mail spree we are really good friends. When there is no contact -there's no friendship. If I spend a month without seeing them or hearing from them I know that they are certainly not thinking about me. Emelda, Noleen, Mahlodi, Mokgadi, Sikie, Sibahle, S'mangele and many others.

Another group of friends I have in my life are those who I can't be too sure about. Still new, could last, very special but I could be excited about nothing. I like the pace and the atmosphere but until I'm sure who they really are I'll leave it at this, Monx, Tiro, Abueng and others.

Tsala ya me ya botlhokwa- My very important friend

His name is Henry 'Xolani' Harya. He is 34 years old. He is fun, FREE, has a sense of humour, very honest, well travelled, informed, intelligent, very social, 'stupid', open minded, trustworthy, sensitive (good sensitive), loyal, genuine, unique (hayo ya tshwanang le yena), friendly and curious.

He is a movie fanatic, loves reading and is fascinated by the world. I miss him, terribly, as I sit here typing the morning away he is in Hungary- to support one of his friends who's recently lost his father. See how nice he is, people don't even go to the next city to give their support to friends and yet Xolani travels half way through the world to do that.

He is an American (Half white, half chinese) who came to South Africa to share his time, knowledge, experience and being with others. A Peace Corp Initiative landed him in the country and everything else kept him here (including the women). He has been here for years and like he says, has no plans of going back to Texas.

He fits in perfectly, actually he belongs here. He speaks Zulu (better than my mom and every white, indian and coloured person in the country), mumbles a few setswana words and wa jaiva (dances well). He loves South African women- don't even get me started, I could write two, thick books about that.

The reasons why Henry is number one on my list:

• He tells it like it is
• He has my back (morning, day or night)
• I can go anywhere with him, I know I'm fine
• I trust him
• We are always in touch
• We talk about any and every thing
• I learn a lot from him
• He is loyal
• Never keeps me in the dark about a thing
• Keeps me updated on what's happening in his life
• He never, (I mean never) looks down on others
• He's helpful
• I miss him when he's not around
• Out of sight = on my mind
• We like the same movies
• He's not scared to ask for help
• If he can't, he says exactly that
• Even though he is friends with my ex-boyfriend- he can separate the two when he has to
• Never takes sides
• Anyone would have to be insane to have beef with this guy (excluding Lavinia)
• He is a brother to me.

I met Henry in October of 2004, at our (2nd year journalism) end year dinner. He was Lavinia's date. Then he was just a guy who's gray, with my friend and very american. Never thought I'd see him again, Now- we practically stay together.

Here are some articles/entries he's written on his blog.

http://x0lani.blogspot.com/2005/10/this-post-is-gonna-suck.html

http://x0lani.blogspot.com/2005/10/love-in-time-of-meningitis.html

I'll leave it at that. I wish you all a Henry in your lives.